Mommyhood + Adulting + Adventures in between!

I decided to become a stay-at-home mom after giving birth to my first child four years ago. But since I can’t stand doing nothing at home, I started to venture on freelance writing — a job that gives me the flexibility to work on my terms.

I’ve been asked countless times why I keep on working when my husband has been providing us with everything we need. I don’t have to work if I want to but I choose to “make” my own money because it gives me power. In a positive way.

I can ask my husband to buy me my occasional “wants”. I am currently obsessing about BT21 items (Hello, ARMYs) and they’re not cheap. I guess he’d agree to buy me a thing or two. But I can not ask him to buy an entire collection because it is expensive and it is not practical. This is where my “power” enters. If I want to reward myself by buying a new BT21 collection, I can easily do so without asking permission from my husband because I have my own money. (This is the easiest explanation I can think of right now. lol)

Let’s be clear: As a wife, you must have your own money for your sanity. No matter how wealthy your husband is and no matter how generous he is to you and your kids.

However, the decision to make money should not steam from wanting to earn more than your husband or to show off. It should be to empower you and give you financial independence. This is important especially for stay-at-home moms who feel that they have lost their spark because they choose to be with the kids instead of working. But you can always put that spark back! It is possible to earn while at home. The key is to keep looking for opportunities.

Below are some smart reasons why a wife should earn her own money too.

For empowerment. Men feel accomplished when they can provide for their families. This is also true for women. It feels empowering to help the husband and give monetary contributions to the family.

For self-confidence. Having the confidence to buy the things you want and pay the bills using your own money is very fulfilling.

To prevent over-dependency. Even if you are handling the finances, you are just managing the money that your husband is making. I’m stressing this again: even if your husband is wealthy and generous, it can be demotivating to depend on him for every thing.

To treat your husband. Wouldn’t it be nice to treat your husband or buy him a gift from your own pocket? Husbands love to be pampered too.

To be a role model to your children. When you are earning your own money, you will inspire your kids (especially if you have a daughter) to be the same. You will be a good example that women can also work and earn while building a home and raising kids.

To cover for the unexpected. Accidents can happen. Your husband can go broke, lose his job, get scammed, or worse, get sick. As much as you don’t want this to happen, so things are beyond control. Having that extra income means making sure that the needs of your family are still being met regardless of the situation.

To widen your horizon. There’s a lot of things you can learn, do, and experience if you have your own money. You can PURSUE and FUND your passion project when you have the time or when your kids are old enough.

Girl, you need your budget to fund your wants. For your dreams. For occasionally taking charge of date nights. For splurging on your kids without thinking about going overboard on your monthly family budget. For your personal adventures. And for that bag you’ve been eyeing for months.

You can earn through employment or you can work to have a side hustle at home. There are many opportunities available online today and all you need to do is research. If working is not an option but your husband is giving you monthly allowance, use it to start a small business.

Take control of your own finances and achieve financial independence. A good husband will support you no matter what. After all, you should be in a relationship that empowers you.

Trivia: Seven years ago, I asked my husband to buy me a MacBook Air because I don’t have a laptop I can carry around with me. He agreed right away. He knew I can use it for side hustles. He knew what I am capable of. He knew I can make use of this gadget to earn extra. Earlier this year, he replaced it with a newer model. What he gives, I will multiply. lol. 

Happy New Year! 2020 is finally over! Don’t get me wrong, we are not out of the woods yet and we are still very much in the middle of a pandemic, but I can’t help but welcome the new year with new hope.

Well, there are many little things to celebrate: we somewhat know what to do to keep ourselves safe (mask, shield, social distancing, and constant hand washing), we are no longer covered in fear (we’re still scared but we’re not letting life just pass us by), and there is already a vaccine that is being rolled out in other countries. And while we wait cautiously for things to get back to normal, we can’t help but look back on the past and realize the things we take for granted. As a mom and wife, this pandemic has made me realize a lot of things. I learned to view it as a blessing more than a nightmare. Let me share here some of it.

I never really did give my kids my time. I have been staying at home and working remotely for the past 5 years. When I gave birth to my first child four years ago, we were together 24/7. I was breastfeeding and taking care of her needs but I still can work. I remember even working hours after my CS operation because I forgot to inform my client that I gave birth and there was social media content due for posting that day. When my second daughter arrived, I was surprised that I still can do anything and earn. I thought I was lucky and good with time management but the truth is, I was not struggling because my mom is with me. She would help and visit almost every day. She would prepare our food and check the kids while I work. I never really did play with my kids and spend time with them even if I’m just home because I’m working and I trust that there is someone taking care of them. I would let them watch TV so I can answer emails and write articles. I look forward to weekends not to play but to go out and unwind. I realized that my kids, more than ever, need my full undivided attention, especially during their formative years. I failed but I’m slowly turning things around. I’m happy that we’re bonding now.

I’m not a homemaker.  When the lockdown was announced in March, of course, my mom could no longer visit us anymore. There’s no transportation at that time and we decided to just stay put for everybody’s safety. As a mom, I have to be the one to do everything — cook, do the dishes, wash the laundry, and all. I also have to continue working on top of that. I realized that I’m not a homemaker but I can learn to be one. This does not mean I’m letting go of the things I love doing like working and creating content because they give me a sense of fulfillment. I know I can do both! I’ve learned to embrace the chores and the joy of fixing the mess. I’ve also learned to appreciate moms who stay at home without a helper to take care of everything.

I let go of so many opportunities to go out, see the sun, and explore the outdoors. We have a spacious field, two huge swimming pools, and a playground here in our condo but I can’t remember bringing my kids down regularly to let them play. I skipped so many beach trips and nature adventures because I had to work and I was too lazy to pack things up. Now, I’m craving for the outdoor and vacation, and perhaps when things go back to normal, I would never take these things for granted again.

Being a stay-at-home mom is not my kind of thing. We don’t have a helper so it’s only me and my husband who are doing anything at home. I’m in charge most of the time because he runs a business and would work long hours in front of the computer. I realized that being a stay at home mom is not for me. I love my kids but I need to work and go out for my sanity. Does that mean I’m not a good mom? I think not. That’s just the way it is and I’ve learned to accept it. I need a helper in my life too! Now that the government eases restrictions, my mom would send us frozen food so I won’t have to cook for days and she would visit every 2 weeks to check on the kids while my husband and I go on a date.

I somewhat learned to be frugal. During the start of the lockdown, I can’t remember how much I’ve spent shopping online because I was stressed. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel (most of us can’t during that time) and to distract myself from overthinking, I over-shopped. Fast forward to 9 months later, those things no longer have value to me. But I’m happy that in just a short amount of time, I’ve learned to value money. Instead of spending it, I’m slowly learning to save to build my savings and emergency fund once more. We do have insurance but I was able to get another one for my eldest too amid the community quarantine.

I’ve finally accepted my husband as the “provider”. I was stubborn enough to accept this fact earlier because I was so proud of myself. I have a bachelor’s degree, had the best jobs, met and became friends with the best people in the industry I choose. Even now that I’m working as a freelancer at home, I am still earning a decent amount to get me the things I want. But since we’re spending more time with each other at home now, I slowly learned to appreciate what he does and accept that he is the provider of our household. I also have to respect his choices and decisions. I have to let go of my pride and accept the fact that while I will never stop earning for myself and broadening my horizon, I am also a wife and a mother now and I have to accept the life I have now.

There’s no such thing as perfect parenting. I can’t stick to a routine. I sometimes wake up late and just give my kids biscuits for breakfast. I lose my cool and screw up most of the time. But guess what? It’s ok. I let go of all the pressure and just shrug of those “perfect mom” posts on social media. My kids adore me and I adore them even more! I don’t have to be perfect. I just need to be present. 🙂

Since I started this blog back in 2012, I’ve taken quite a few breaks. I remember taking a break for a few weeks and then a few months. But mommyhood and adulting happened (And I am going to write more about it here, hopefully.) Before I realized it, those “few breaks” turned into a lengthy absence. I can’t believe it has been close to 4 years!

My last blog entry was in 2016, back when I was pregnant with my first baby. Fast forward to today, I am now a mother of two adorable baby girls. Time flies!

The first quarter of 2020 is already nearing its end but I guess it is never too late to start. I am also doing this for my mental health and sanity. As you may already know, Luzon, where the capital Manila is located here in the Philippines, is under Enhanced Community Quarantine as the nation tries to “flatten the curve” in response to the crisis that is COVID-19. We are doing our part by staying at home. Writing blogs is a way for me to relax and keep my mind off things.